Friday, September 30, 2011

My first pair of designer shoes were from DSW on the sale rack -the shoes actually made me feel hopeful when I was struggling

My Givenchy shoes

Hey Girls,

Some people remember fondly their first kiss, or their first car, or the night they gave their virginity away, but for me what stands out more is the day I got my first slice of luxury. I was struggling at the time to survive on a dream, just a few weeks away from giving up my apartment, and crashing at friends' places, because I was more afraid of giving up what I was pursuing, than instability.

I lived on bargains, dollar menus and fifty percent off stickers, so it was normal to check out the sale rack at DSW in Union Square, but this one sale shopping spree was different, I'll never forget the day and I'll never forget the shoes. I still have them, a pair of Givenchy strappy sandals- that's a pic of them above actually. I plugged this experience in my modeling memoir Almost 5'4". I can wear a size 5.5 to size 7 depending on the shape of the shoe and width. Typically I am a 6B, and this is why I've worked for years as a shoe model. These above are a 6.5 and I wore the shit out of them. Really abused them. They probably hate me.

 excerpt from Almost 5'4"

......the one hundred bucks felt great. Until the next afternoon when I woke up and counted my money and realized the money wouldn’t go very far. So I spent it. It was just the amount I needed to buy a hot pair of Givenchy shoes on sale at DSW. I had never owned anything fabulous in my life. Colleen loved them too and every woman in the store probably wanted them. I hadn’t bought myself anything nice in so long. I just wanted to own something that had power that had success behind the name. On the train, in front of everyone, I put my other ratty shoes in my denim bag and slipped into the Givenchy stilettos and I hung onto the pole balancing and standing almost 5 inches taller.
Back in the apartment, after I climbed the 5 flights in my new hot shoes, I wanted to ignore those voices in my head, the sounds of pressure terminating my modeling goals for the summer.

I miss wearing those Givenchy shoes, they remind me of those hustling to survive days, and how that hustling and not giving up paid off. I remember how the shoes actually made me feel hopeful then, even when I was eating dollar menu at Wendy's and going to the Apple store later on. And although I treated them bad, like a toddler in a $500 shirt, they really were amazing shoes.

All of my moving and running around had put pressure on them, peeling away the satin overtime, straining the posture of the pretty straps, I really wore them out pounding the streets, going to castings and photo-shoots, trying to land the gig, and especially during a photo-shoot that involved a swimming pool and dipping my feet into the pool while wearing the them, all of this shoe-carelessness while striving did of course end up ruining them.

Now I think of the shoes like a piece of art, complied of my memories and a part of my journey. Maybe meant to be displayed, but I do want to wear them again. I plan to get them restored. Or try. I'll keep you posted on that!

Shoes have gotten so frazzle dazzled lately, too much crap all over the shoe, and I can't stand it, I see a cute pair of shoes from the front but then the heel looks all awkward and unfit. Finding a simple but elegant, every occasion shoe is so hard these days.

Heel shape is such a big thing for me on how I choose my shoes. Also I have small feet and I don't like to look like I am walking around carrying a brick so I hate heavy and chunky shoes, shoes that make my feet look bulky, I like dainty shoes, sophisticated but sexy shoes, a little platform is okay, but I am not into the super high high platforms, it grosses me out. And I hope that trend goes away fast.

And I'm not about luxury being best all the time, because I have Payless shoes that I wear just as much.

I don't believe that a logo or brand can define a person, I think you are worth more than the handbag you carry, and normally when I shop I pretend there is no logo or designers name on the items in the store, I look at the selection without deciding ahead of time that the brand means more than the fit--because fit means everything, and what I choose and buy and wear is because the design is timeless and quality is there and the fit works, period.  Like those Givenchy shoes are to me--timeless---beat down--but still.

With that in mind, tonight I am putting on one of my favorite dresses and different pair of cute shoes, and I'm going to explore my neighborhood and hopefully land at a memorable spot to enjoy some dinner and drinks with my man!


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