Thursday, January 14, 2010

He Didn't Text Me Back - text messages the good and foolish

Modeling agencies now text the models they work with castings and even in my graphic novel Model Life: The Journey of a Pint-Size Fashion Warrior, the character receives text messages from her agent.

However when it comes to relationships I am actually sad to say that these days: relationships often start with a text message.

I am becoming more and more against this.

My girlfriends tell me how they get to know a person through a text message, they also complain a lot about the text messages they receive or don't receive, I am like...did he call you? They share how something will be said in a text that doesn't translate in person. The way technology has changed how people date is really insane. However, I will admit when I met my fiance' I actually got text the messaging service because of it....because he couldn't talk to me on the phone while at work all the time because he doesn't have an office door he can shut, he sits open infront of like 20 people, who can hear your whole conversation, and even pick up the line. I text him daily over 10 times. Let me just include that when I first met him I also moved in with him! Only a week after meeting. So we hung out every single evening, or most during the first months and got to know one another better. It was unconventional but I treasured our memories, the things we did more than his xoxox texts to me. A text can mean "he is thinking of you" but I don't think it should take over the conversation face to face or on the phone.

If I was single, getting to know someone I would still feel distant, not right, if all we did was text eachother and not hear voices, and the time we spent face to face would still mean more. Of course I know that saying "actions speak louder than words" and I don't know if that is always true, but a text shouldn't be the only communication.

Maybe I'll write a book one day, "He Didn't Text Me Back - a girls journey of dating through text messaging." Full of experiences from girls who are having a love life via the text.

For now here are my texting tips when you like the guy who is texting you.

1. Is texting all you do to communicate? If so, this could be a sign he is not really interested.

2. If you are the one texting him, asking, planning to get together, if you are keeping the text going and he would not have reached out if you didn't text him today, then this is a sign he is not interested.

3. If he textes you only at 2am this is a sign he is not "really into you" more than for sex. Unless he gets off work at 3am or something, but still 3am, you should be getting your beauty sleep girl. Your brain and face work better when you get good sleep.

4. Texting you doesn't mean he likes you, infact texting is an easy way to keep things casual, and not serious, so if you want a real relationship, your relationship needs to be more, involve more, than texting eachother.

5. Give the text a break, tell him you are not obsessed with texting and it is better to simply call you. If he does it is a sign he likes you more than a text flirt.

Talking on the phone, actually talking to the guy they are seeing, getting to know, is now a rare thing among my girlfriends, it makes me concerned. Tell the person you like, want to know, and want to like you to call you. Seriously. Or meet somewhere and hangout, show your true self, not just let your thumb nail speak for you. These days even an email is more thoughtful than a text!

I mean, of course I text people, and one day you might even be able to get my modeling tips in a text message format, but I just think that most of what I have heard from my friends dating experiences through a text message have been pretty ugly.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Bravo! I always agree with all you have to say. I've had so may moments when there was miscommunication because of a text message. With texts, IMs, Facebook messages, etc. we miss so much. There's the tone of your voice and all the nonverbal cues. Sorry, but you can only do so much with those silly emoticons. Plus, there's nothing better than looking someone in the face. I think texts (and similar ways of communication) can be useful, but it seems like it has taken over our lives. It worries me because I think a lot of people aren't getting that real human emotional connection. I can go on about this, but I'll end here. Thanks again girl and congrats on the engagement!