Thursday, October 29, 2009

'America's Next Top Model': Sink or swim

Clearly the photo-shoots on "America's Next Top Model" are for entertainment value more than the real modeling industry. We have seen the girls imitate their baby photo, pose like Drag Queens on a horse, bend their bodies like Cirque Du Soleil dancers, fly in the air like a Ninja, pose with metal and wrap scarves around their heads and bodies like mummies, among other weird things.

This week's episode started with the Short Model House being condemned by Tyra, who has wrapped red "Danger" tape all around the house and inside of it. The house is a disaster, a pig-sty and Tyra claims that Sundai's suitcase is an explosive clothing pile, which would make a good home for a rat. The girls are embarrassed, and Laura is anxious to start cleaning up but Tyra has other plans for them. She is declaring the girls can not live in the house anymore.

She directs them to the backyard, where Tyra slips out of her "condemning outfit" and is now flaunting herself in a bikini. As the girl huddle on the patio they take notice that the backyard has transformed into a tropical paradise. With ass-shaking girls in grass skirts and half naked men flinging fire sticks, fruit galore and sand to play in, Tyra announces the girls better get packing because they are going to Hawaii, and they all squeal!

Sundai can't believe it, she has never been anywhere, she says. You know, except for Los Angeles for the show since she's from Las Vegas.

Next I hear Tyra's voice-over saying "welcome to Fierce Airlines," and I think, "Are you effin' kidding me?"

Off the plane and into their new pad, the girls are walking into a gazillion dollar home (or that is what it looks like), the grass is so green you want to cut it and add it to a salad and eat it, on the spot. Jennifer's CoverGirl commercial is playing in the living room, the bathroom, on another plasma near one of the six pools and waterfalls.

Tyra Mail has arrived. It reads: "If you want to catch a break, you're going to have to go get it."

Nicole ventures a guess that they'll be fishing. Nope it's surfing. A surfing photo challenge awaits.

Sink or Surf.

My full recap here:

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